Dealing with Difficult/Impossible people

Most of us encounter unreasonable people in our lives. We may be “stuck” with a difficult individual at work or at home. It’s easy to let a challenging person affect us and ruin our day. What are some of the keys to empowering yourself in such situations? Below are some keys to handling unreasonable and difficult people.

1. Recognize that impossible people exist. There isn't a thingyou can do about it. The first step is all about facing reality: if you think you might be dealing with an impossible person, you're probably right. When in doubt, proceed as instructed below. Theheadaches you save will be your own

2. Understand that it's not you, it's them. This can be surprisingly difficult, considering that impossible people have complete mastery of blaming skills. Chances are, the more often they blame you, the more they themselves are actually at fault. Keep in mind that this is not to be used as a way to blame them.

3. Keep Your Cool. Maintain your composure; the less reactive you are, the more you can use your better judgment to handle the situation.

4. "Fly Like an Eagle"

Your time is valuable, so unless there’s something important at stake, don’t waste it by trying to change or convince a person who’s negatively entrenched. As the saying goes: “You can’t fly like an eagle if you hang out with turkeys! ” Whether you’re dealing with a difficult colleague or an annoying relative, be diplomatic. The rest of the time, keep a healthy distance.

5. Listen
It’s tempting to just tune these people out, but this rarely stops them. If anything, they’ll talk and argue more forcefully because they’ll think nobody cares about them. The best thing to do is to use good, normal active listening techniques, as you would for anyone else.

6.  Shift from Being Reactive to Proactive. When you feel offended by someone’s words or deeds, come up with multipleways of viewing the situation before reacting. When we avoid personalizing other people's behaviors, we can perceive their expressions more objectively. People do what they do because of them more than because of us.

7.    Pick Your Battles. Not all difficult individuals we face require direct confrontation about their behavior. It’s helpful to remember that most difficult people have positive qualities as well, especially if you know how to elicit them. Think twice, and fight the battles that are truly worth fighting.

8. Separate the Person from the Issue .In every communication situation, there are two elements present: The relationship you have with this person, and the issue you are discussing. An effective communicator knows how to separate the person from the issue, and be soft on the person and firm on the issue.

9. Put the Spotlight on Them. If you react by being on the defensive, you simply fall into the trap of being scrutinized, thereby giving the aggressor more power while she or he picks on you with impunity. A simple and powerful way to change this dynamic is to put the spotlight back on the difficult person, and the easiest way to do so is to ask questions. Keep your questions constructive and probing. By putting the difficult person in the spotlight, you can help neutralize her or his undue influence over you.    

10. Use Appropriate Humour. Humor is a powerful communication tool. When appropriately used, humor can shine light on the truth, disarm difficult behavior, and show that you have superior composure. 

11. Confront Bullies (Safely)

When confronting bullies, be sure to place yourself in a position where you can safely protect yourself, whether it’s standing tall on your own, having other people present to witness and support, or keeping a paper trail of the bully’s inappropriate behavior. It’s very important to stand up to bullies, and you don’t have to do it alone.

 12. Set Consequence. The ability to identify and assert consequence(s) is one of the most important skills we can use to "stand down" a difficult person. Effectively articulated, consequence gives pause to the challenging individual, and compels her or him to shift from obstruction to cooperation.

In conclusion, to know how to handle unreasonable and difficult people is to truly master the art of communication. As you utilize these skills, you may experience less grief, greater confidence, better relationships, and higher communication prowess. You are on your way to leadership success!